Rocks

We spent the morning looking at some fuckin' cool rocks. Some might call them mountains and hills, but I like "Rocks." Painted Hills, it's called, not to be confused w/ Painted Rocks or Pictured Rocks, although I never can remember which is in MI.

We stared at all the colors as Martin did his best to explain the Geology, the History behind it. But it's simple really, I am hopeless. Where he sees minerals and weathering and time, changes and beauty within, I see a rough, pretty stone. There is too much I don't know and so my brain shuts off, as usual. And this is fine, because I am completely content to sit and ponder, to take in my surroundings, to smile at his passion, and take every moments fresh breath. And that is what we do all day, enjoy company, rocks, and beauty through random dirt roads that lead to nowhere, or somewhere, or everywhere.

Ranch arrival

Within an hour civilization is gone, young men pump my gas for me, and I am mystified by the surroundings. And as the four hours quickly pass I continuously witness change. The rocks grow until they are towering over me, the trees go from boise's deciduous, to rare desert shrubbery, to forests of Pines, and the occasional mountain village makes me grin at their stares of the out of placed short haired girl. I arrive two hours early. My destination: An RV on a small Ranch in central Oregon. Wow. I exit my car to Donny, a middle aged Ranch hand, who smiles continuously, chuckles warmly, invites me to a BBQ, and informs me that my host is out buying non-red meat grub.

And then time stops.

The wind continues to blow through the trees, the clouds change to a deep purple, but it is as if two hands have reached down, pushed upon my shoulders to make me sit and told me to just stop. And it felt right, God it felt so right out there. So beautiful and full of life and calm and perfect. We spent the evening sharing stories, laughs, knowledge, and tea in the RV.

Split beauty

I spent the afternoon at Kleinstuck preserve, thinking over my trip, happy, so, so, happy at the time spent in Michigan. I took in deep breaths, listened to the wind through the trees, and even hugged some just to show my appreciation. Now as I sit in this plane I am sincerely excited at my return. I don't really have much to return to, but I have plenty. I cannot even begin to express how fortunate I am and how fortunate this last year has been.

Trees.

"Man, I love the smell of Michigan." "Thanks for reminding me."

We take on the Paw Paw river one stroke at a time. Wrestling branches, going over, under, and around trees, being sucked alive by skeeters, but always with a smile on my face. I make Joey, his expertise, long, thin boat, and muscular self take the lead. I try my best and he is impressed by my giggles and consistant smile through all my struggles. This is just what I need. I look around, smell the air, and feel completely content. I wanted to see trees and water on this trip and Joey made it happen. His presence is absolutely appreciated, and I find myself wondering why this is the first time we've spent enjoying each others company. Strangely enough this entire trip has been full of that... seeing people I normally would not have.

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My emotions are in a whirl. I feel tied down, stuck, lonely. But these emotions only surface when I'm away. Overwhelmed by seeing people and then leaving, when that's all I've done for the last 7 months. Maybe the difference now is I'm no longer on the move. I'm tired and worn, full of positive energy and tears, confused and worried I've chosen the wrong path, but too tired and broke to run. Friday in a drunken state I found myself crying, wanting to go home, to Boise, that was my safe haven. So maybe it's the excitement of Michigan that confuses me. Or maybe it's wanting what is just out of reach.

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It's the wind through the trees, the smell of moisture, green everywhere surrounded by water everywhere. It's a connection to my roots that will forever be a part of me. But now I must reach my branches, share my leaves.

United beauty

She was absolutely elegant as she walked down the aisle.

The last few days have been pretty intense and very rewarding. The bachelorette party with calm sushi chatting, karaoke dancing, fire sitting drunkenness. The rehearsal day with manicured perfection, rehearsal, dinner, tears, exhaustion. And the final product. I never imagined I would take such a vital role in someones special day. It was all very intense and flew by. She shed many tears. But in the end it was all smiles. Looking back at it I am filled with emotion: at their happiness- yes. But also at the beautiful friendship that has developed over the last 25 years. To know I can be there for her and stand by her side on her special day.

It was so nice to see Mike, as always, so great to dance with him. And to see Caitlin even in her drunken state. It was great to dance and smile among strangers with a simple common understanding of the love we all shared for two beautiful people. It was fun to get ready, to help her get ready. And to walk down the aisle with the same annoying little kid I grew up with and married at 6 years old, to be arm and arm with him now in our "grown up" state, and appreciate the fact that every single one of us in that same childhood group has grown into a beautiful unique human being.

Boise Pics

Boise

Boise (pronounced boy-see, not boy-zee)

Emotions whirling, stagnance sets in. The change of being here feels good, the comfort of coming home to a home at night is appreciated, but my insides are confused at the traveling halt. I read Andrea's blog and tears stream, everything that she appreciates of her present culture is everything that I so dearly miss: the simplicity, happiness through interaction, enjoying the small things that are in fact tremendously huge. And yet I know I simply need to find it within myself.

My life here is excellent. I love my job, although there is still much to learn. My boss is absolutely wonderful, always smiling, always helpful. My roommates kick ass. And I'm slowly but surely making friends. However, I do not take enough time for myself. To sit and simply be... that is what I crave, and it is where my priority should lie.

In a few days I head home. For some reason this idea freaks me out more than I would desire. I am excited to see my family, my friends, Marg get married. But worried that I will question my move, or maybe most of all, it will reinforce the fact that I really just want to be in Mexico. However, I look forward to finally having an answer to the "so what are you doing with your life" question. And I know that I am happy here, although i still seem to be searching for my place.

Lately we've had numerous couch surfers stay with us. The beauty these interactions has brought into my life is immense. It is extraordinarily mind opening, exciting, congenial, and sometimes sad. We have so many coming through that I feel myself making lots of "temporary" friends. I know they are in no way temporary since they have touched my life and will continue to encompass it forever, but i become close with them, they leave, and I am once again reminded of my lack of close connections here in Boise.

I crave for a connection, any connection (preferably one that sticks around). To look into someones eyes and possess a basis of understanding. To be in someones presence without the need to speak, to simply be. To understand someone well enough that needs aren't discussed, they are just taken care of. Am i talking sexual? No. Although I wouldn't mind that as well. I'm talking friendship. And for now it is nice to focus on being that person for myself.