So many emotions and feelings I don't know how to write, where to start. I feel alone in this world, yet know that is so far from the truth. And it is not the solitary position I find mysef , but perhaps the lack of communication from the outside. I try to think of what is next for me and endless possibilities frighten me. I consider finding some kind of office job, ideally a receptionist position for some kind of holisitc professional, and I worry that I will get sucked in to the process we are taught in school, from our parents, from society: school, job, career, reproduce (there might be a few others). I wonder if I'm ready and I think about all the ideas I had when I was younger, being a river guide, working at camps. So I go online to get an idea of what's out there, and I realize I'm exactly where I was a year ago (hopefully with more maturity), looking for work away from home, while knowing it is home I pine for. That when I return I will be reminded of everything I love and missed and will once again get sucked in. And yet I am torn because I see myself ending up in the midwest and realize now is the time for my adventures. I meet people with lifestyles that excite me and wonder what there presence or passing through in my life represents. Maybe it is just a reminder of the endless possibilities.
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We are taught what is beautiful. As I look around me I see paradise, beauty. But I know that it is interaction, people that make life beautiful. I look out and see palm trees, the ocean, rocks, sunshine, mountains, it is amazing, and for only 30 pesos, I get this, a hammock, solitude. Yet I will return to grey, cold, beautiful Michigan. A different kind of beauty, one that I have trouble puting into words, but feel so deeply inside.
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An insight through medititation reminded me of how insignificant I am, we all are. How it doesn't matter, it is okay for me to simply be right now. The ocean is huge and I am but one wave, affected by the energy of my environment, of the people I interact with and in my movement, in my energy I affect those in my path. That is all.
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The ocean is huge and I am but one wave, affected by the energy of my environment, of the people I interact with and in my movement, in my energy I affect those in my path.
This, comrade, is perhaps the lesson we all must learn. I see that you have, in the
manner of Napoleon , crowned yourself a Princess. But what of waves that rise higher than those around them? They crash harder to the shore, the ensuing undertow of humility sucking them back out to sea, their power gone.
So I applaud you for realizing your place in the ocean. It is something we all need to do. I urge you, in turn, to give up your crown, and take your rightful place as a fellow citizen, neither high nor mighty, but humble and whole.
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