Day 88: On heading home

Recently we have traveled to Antigua and Xela (pronounced Shayla), Guatemala. I have loved both. Only in Xela 24 hours and I hear Andrea's slightly under the weather voice in my ear, "I want to live here." Me too. A very large city that feels more like a German X-mas village. It may or may not have anything to do with the fact that it is December.

It is December. Today a 30 minute walk with Jo into the countryside made me think of what I'll miss and what I look forward to. We do a lot of that lately. "Imagine actually being able to talk on the phone." Or "I'll miss wanting tortillas, walking a block and having them warm and fresh inmy hand." That and the many bakeries. I could go on and on. Guatemala is different from Mexico, but in many aspects it is very similar. I will miss much from both.

Today it hit me. Hard. Like a brick wall or maybe a basketball in the face. It's almost over. We were preparing dinner, Andrea and I, and I started to really freak out. So I ran out the door, for fresh air and to search for Tostadas and Johanna, both very important.

I find a strange sense of comfort in not knowing what tomorrow or even today will bring. In finding routine through bakeries, market trips, and exploring new cities. Waking up and traveling or waking up and arriving in a new unknown place is a beautiful way of life. Andrea reminds me that going home is not ending the trip, for every day is part of the exploration, the voyage of life. That I can keep traveling, this is simply another stop along the way. Perhaps it is this response that keeps me from tearing up and helps me to refocus on dinner. I both fear and look forward to what is next, the unknown. Or maybe it is the constant question I will hear after my journey. But this is my journey and it will continue to be my journey.

I really just want to cry and make everything make sense. Live the way I live, knowing tomorrow will be beautiful, because it will. I want to jump past the culture shock of American life. Never in my dreams did I imagine this experience would be as beautiful as it has been, I am very lucky. For I have so much to look forward to: bourbon by the fireplace, snow in the streets, and hugs. So many hugs.